A Nickname with History

I’m going to try to make these entries a little shorter as often as possible. I tend to wax long-winded at times and, I’m learning, you don’t need to be verbose to write something folks will enjoy reading. If I don’t keep them shorter, it's usually for a good reason, but these posts are going to show up few and far between. I don't want that. I’m going to do my best to be more succinct so you can see new updates more often. I have about a million topics I still would like to write on.

I thought I'd take a quick minute and explain why I've been called River or Riv, as a nickname, for the past decade or so. It all started after my unexpected divorce from my first wife, Asti. One minute I was married and working away at it (with all its ups and downs), the next minute I came home from a business trip to find my home gutted and my world torn in half. [In Asti's defense, she was very fair when she chose to skedaddle. She carefully divided our books, movies, and other belongings in half and left all the ones she knew I liked and took only the ones she preferred and knew I didn't care for; "gutted" probably isn't the most appropriate word]. I can remember clearly the dust outlines, though, around where pictures she’d taken had hung. It’s an image that stays with me and even haunts me at times today.  

Asti and I completed an amicable, though devastating (to me), dissolution of marriage ... mostly through email. I've only seen her once (on accident; at a concert in Utah; we didn't speak) since the day she made love to me the night before, kissed me goodbye and said she'd see me in a week. I came home expecting a wife who, though struggling, was hanging in there … but instead found a house and home that were suddenly empty of the best part.

Fast forward a year and I decided to relocate from Anchorage, Alaska to Vancouver, Washington to work for Dennis Burback and the Trendwest Resorts office there. My brother Adam and his wife Kimmy, together with my sister Chi and her little boy Mejai, all moved down together. We got three apartments in the same complex and Adam went to work for Trendwest too. I went to work on my new life and prospects, primarily on myself. 

You see, Asti's and my divorce was a sum result of several things, as most dissolutions are, I'm sure. She had an emergency surgery that wreaked havoc on her emotions, and our marriage. This is true. But we were already struggling ... mostly because of me, I hate to say—my issues with anger, my immaturity, my struggles with self esteem, and so forth. Long story short, even though we had been friends for years—ever since high school—our marriage was in turmoil, and I didn't really blame her. She was a great woman, doing the best she could, working with a guy who had a lot of baggage (as we all do, unfortunately). In the letter she left sitting on our kitchen counter, the one I found when I came home to our empty house, she said "I love you but I can't be with you. I need to work on my own issues and I'm not willing to do that and be married to you at the same time." Can I just say ... I read the letter, reeling, and spent the night in shock, lying on the linoleum floor in our kitchen. 

So ... I was now in Washington State, trying to sell timeshare for Trendwest and really questioning what had gone wrong. How did my marriage fail? Why did I feel angry so much of the time? How could I overcome it? What could I try to do differently in any future relationship...? (the irony of this statement is that I recently went through a second divorce; though I’ve learned a lot in the last ten years, and I really tried to be a good husband and father, I'm still learning and still trying to Triumph over myself; still not quite there quite yet, I guess; I think it will take a lifetime to fully get there).

I say all this just to make myself clear: I understand pain … I know what loss feels like … I’ve had my own share of challenges and hurts … and I continue to learn greater resiliency and stick-to-it-iveness, year in and year out. 

One day, there in Washington, I was reading a book about the life of Christ called Fishers of Men. While doing so I came across a quote by Alexander the Great: "The deepest rivers flow with the least sound." This quotation struck me with great force and I shared it with my parents in one of my emails home. It seemed to say to me that the deeper the PERSON, the less "SOUND" (i.e. grumbling, complaining, whining or yelling) they make. In other words, the deeper YOU are, the less you let things GET TO YOU. It's a great reminder, and it is so true. My parents agreed, adding their own insights to the analogy. 

Well, I'm not sure who started it—it was either my mom or my dad, or maybe both—but they started referring to me as Riv shortly thereafter and I guess it stuck. They said they did it because they thought I was really embodying the quote. They liked what they saw. I don’t know if that’s true, but I did like the nickname because it served as a reminder of who I WANTED to be. It helped me focus more on my goal to become that man ... more patient, more mature, the kind of person who is deeper than the trials he faces. This, in my mind, is one of the key characteristics of someone Triumphing over life. It's one of my goals, to embody the principle more. It's a lifetime process, as I mentioned.

There's a great quote by the founder of the LDS church, Joseph Smith, that also complements this principle well. He writes, "Deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all…." (Doctrine & Covenants 127). It’s a good testament to resilience and faith, to "running deep" as it were ... a good reminder for us all, whether you're a Mormon, Christian, Atheist, what have you.

If you're familiar with his history, you know that Joseph Smith actually gave his life for what he believed. He hung in there in the  face of terrible persecution (he and his older brother Hyrum were both martyred in Carthage, Illinois on June 27, 1844). They sealed their testimony with their blood. That we might have the same conviction in whatever we set out to do, that we too might "Triumph" in our own ways, is my hope. 

Here's to hope, 

J. Patrick “River” Laing 

Quotable Quote: Winston Churchill

I've always loved the statement by Winston Churchill that is usually quoted as "Never, never, never give up" or "Never, never, never quit." I even have it on my key chain as a daily reminder. The quote actually originates, from my research, from a speech he gave to the students of Harrow School in Middlesex, England, October 29, 1941.

I thought you might enjoy seeing it in its original context. As World War II was still raging on, this Triumphant leader inspired his countrymen to dig in and not give in. He inspired them and reminded them of just how powerful and capable they were, even in the face of incomparable odds.

Here's the speech, followed by a short bio on Mr. Churchill.

Never Give In, Never, Never, Never

Speech given at Harrow School, Middlesex, October 29, 1941

"When Churchill visited Harrow on October 29 to hear the traditional songs again, he discovered that an additional verse had been added to one of them. It ran:

Not less we praise in darker days
The leader of our nation,
And Churchill's name shall win acclaim
From each new generation.
For you have power in danger's hour
Our freedom to defend, Sir!
Though long the fight we know that right
Will triumph in the end, Sir!

You cannot tell from appearances how things will go. Sometimes imagination makes things out far worse than they are; yet without imagination not much can be done. Those people who are imaginative see many more dangers than perhaps exist; certainly many more than will happen; but then they must also pray to be given that extra courage to carry this far-reaching imagination. But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period - I am addressing myself to the School - surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

We stood all alone a year ago, and to many countries it seemed that our account was closed, we were finished. All this tradition of ours, our songs, our School history, this part of the history of this country, were gone and finished and liquidated. 

Very different is the mood today. Britain, other nations thought, had drawn a sponge across her slate. But instead our country stood in the gap. There was no flinching and no thought of giving in; and by what seemed almost a miracle to those outside these Islands, though we ourselves never doubted it, we find ourselves in a position where I say that we can be sure we have only to persevere to conquer.

You sang here a verse of a School Song: you sang that extra verse written in my honour, which I was very greatly complimented by and which you have repeated today. But there is one word in it I want to alter - I wanted to do so last year, but I did not venture to. It is the line: "Not less we praise in darker days."

I have obtained the Head Master's permission to alter darker to sterner. "Not less we praise in sterner days."  Do not let us speak of darker days: let us speak rather of sterner days. These are not dark days; these are great days - the greatest days our country has ever lived; and we must all thank God that we have been allowed, each of us according to our stations, to play a part in making these days memorable in the history of our race."

Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill - biographical sketch

The Right Honourable Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill is generally regarded as one of the most important leaders in British and world history.  An accomplished speaker, author, painter, soldier and war reporter, the mere sight of him, with the characteristic Cuban cigar in his mouth and two fingers raised in the “V for victory” sign encouraged the population. He was John Bull, a British mythical character and the symbol of the common people, come to life. With a powerful command of the English language, he wrote histories and biographies. Churchill served his country from 1895 to 1964. At 78, he won the Nobel Prize for Literature. In 1963, at the age of 88, the US Congress conferred on him honorary American citizenship.

Churchill died at the age of 90 with his wife and other family members at his bedside. His remains lay in state in Westminster Hall for three days—an honor not accorded any English statesman since Gladstone in 1898. The funeral followed at Saint Paul's cathedral.

By the way, two other Churchill quotes give us additional insight into the man. I appreciate them both. He said "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." The writer in me of course loves this.... He also stated, "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." Sounds to me like Sir Churchill had his priorities straight, and was a not just a statesman but also a talented salesman.

Cheerio.... JPR

Welcome to Triumph Times

I posted the following on my Facebook page a few days ago. It probably says better than anything why I've started this blog and hope to contribute to it on an ongoing basis:

I'm going to start a new blog on Endurance and Thriving (versus just surviving). It's going to discuss subjects like faith and expectation, progress over perfection, commitment, building resiliency, etc., etc. I plan to highlight books like Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, and Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, etc. We'll discuss various speakers, movies, historical figures and the like, not to mention movies like 17 Miracles, Invictus, Fireproof, and more.

For years people have wondered about and even shaken their head at my knack for seeing the silver lining on every cloud--my ability for being "resilient," if you will. I think I was born with it, to a large degree, but I've also learned a lot from a lot of different people about how to make it a part of me and work better in my life.

I really want to WRITE ... so this is partly selfish, of course, but my real hope is that this blog can inspire others and help them find solace, hope and encouragement as they go through their own dose of challenges, trials and hurts.

No matter your faith, your focus, your family background or your fears ... we can all stand to face our struggles with a few extra strengths and tools in our bag. Hopefully this blog can help and we can share, discuss and debate in good spirit and, in the process, all grow a little more resilient along the way (this will be more of a forum and a discussion group, ideally, than just a monologue from me; I really want your input)! Please take a sec to comment or hit Like if you think you'd take the time to follow such a blog.

Personally, I think we quit or give up too quickly too often. Even with as optimistic as I am, I've done the same thing in my life at times. With very few exceptions (serious abuse and the like), I personally think Winston Churchill had the right idea: "Never, never, never give up." It is in the stretching and the hard times that we truly grow and BECOME. Keep watching. I'll post the address and the blog itself here very soon. Onward and upward. JPL

SInce I posted this a week ago, I've given a lot of thought to what I wanted to put into this blog. I’ve polled a number of people, I've received some great comments and feedback, and I even prayed about it and pondered on it awhile.... (can I say prayer without turning people off? I hope so). I really do believe that many of us are looking for answers to how to do / be / accomplish more in our lives. Whether this refers to your finances, your relationships, your aspirations or other goals, it doesn't really matter. The same principles apply, I believe, and there are countless examples of what I call "Umphers" (those who've triumphed) throughout history and even today's society. I decided that TRIUMPH was the perfect theme. 

Don't be surprised to see a few movie and book reviews, biographical sketches, historical treatises and stories from the news. I'm going to include favorite quotes, start a few forums and get input from those who want to share; I ask for your insights into what you're learning and continuing to learn that seems to make a difference. Yes, I'm an optimist ... but I didn't get there over night. And I really am still not where I want to be. 

Most of all, I personally want to keep learning and growing in this vein. I can't imagine a reason why anyone wouldn't feel the same. So ... whether you're an optimist, a realist or even a pessimist, I look forward to sharing and learning together. Welcome to "The Times...." It's not The New York Times or the LA Times but, give it some time. You never know what's possible...? ;0) A massive oak grows out of a tiny acorn, right? Strap on your seat belts. There are few things I enjoy more than writing and helping others (being with my kids is one thing). Don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to the ride.