So ... if you've been wondering what became of me, I decided to take a break. I focused on the holidays, my children, licking a few wounds and launching the New Year together with my kids these last few weeks. It's been almost two months since I last posted on this Triumph blog, I am embarassed to admit, and I've gotta tell you: I've missed keeping it up and I have missed hearing your feedback and encouragement a lot.
Today is February 1st! It's my birthday month and I think it's going to be a big month and big year (for me and for each and every one of us, I hope). I'd be lying if I didn't say, I really am happy 2011 is done and over (it was the year from hell for me). I'd also be lying, though, if I didn't say, "I'm excited and looking forward to seeing what 2012 will bring."
As you know, if you've followed along, this blog's all about "beating the odds, overcoming challenges, and TRIUMPHING over whatever life may dish out." We've read of heros and heroines, athletes and artists. I've shared with you news stories, favorite quotes and even a few book and movie reviews along the way. Interwoven through them all has been that same, inspiring message: "
We're not going to quit.
Whatever you throw at us, we're going to catch it, maybe take a bite out of it, then we're going to throw it right back in your face."
I won't go into too much detail but suffice it to say that 2011 was tough ... if, for no other reason, than because my marriage came to a quick though not entirely unexpected end. After 9 years of marriage Emily and I divorced. It's a sad-but-good story in many ways. We separated in May and divorced in September 2011. I'm afraid, in this case, I can't write of "triumphing" over our challenges and working things out in the end. But I'll tell you what I can say ... we are
succeeding in other ways. If nothing else, we're overcoming--both of us--the temptation to fight in front of the kids, to argue really at all, to, really, do anything to try to make life more difficult for the other than it already is or has to be. We're resisting the tendency so many divorced couples have of treating each other poorly, stabbing each other in the back, or throwing each other under the bus ... making the next however-many-years we're joined at the hip harder than they really have to be. We are instead focusing on co-parenting our 5 great kids ... and we're doing a really good job of it, a respectable job of it, if I don't say so myself. That is a Triumph in and of itself.
It helps a lot that Emily is an amazing Mom and is putting the children first in every way she can. I love them with all my heart ... and I know she feels the exact same way. Coming from a split marriage as a teen herself, Emily saw the impact, the hurt and the lingering effects that can come from long, vindictive divorces ... and she promised she would never put us or the children through that. She's keeping her promise for which I'm truly grateful. As I stated, we're doing things differently ... we're defining our new "relationship," co-parenting and supporting our kids, and, well ... we're making this up one day at a time but I really think we're doing okay. To her credit, when I'm in town, she lets me see the kids as often as I can. She tries to include me in their lives. She could be making this so much harder, so much more hurtful, but she has never come close. And the kids are thriving. They're "triumphing" in their own ways, or at least they seem to be. I know it's hard. I know it's been confusing and perplexing at times, especially for the younger ones. But ... they have each other, they have us, and they seem to be smiling most of the time. If I do say so myself, they all like coming to my house because I have X-Box Kinnect, tennis and a pool too. :0) You can see from the pictures that they still have a light in their eyes. As far as divorce goes, I think we're thriving through it and we're going to come out alright. I think they'll be okay, maybe even stronger in the end. I'd never encourage it. I'd never recommend divorce. But sometimes it turns out alright. I'm optimistic it can be for us. I really am proud of how Emily and I are dealing with it all. It's the only way I could imagine it working.
We may have failed as a married couple but I feel we are succeeding in our new roles. We're both trying...! [If you read this, Emily, just know how much I appreciate it. I'm sorry we weren't better together and couldn't make it work. But, I'm grateful for your understanding, your patience, and I'm grateful for the new opportunities ahead for us both. I'm grateful for our children ... and thankful to you for making me a daddy x 5. I always will be. Thank you again, my friend.
Today? We're working on new and better lives for us all. We're both dating. We're both working on school / work and trying to make a better future for ourselves and the kids. We're both trying to progress. Most of all, we're trying to work together well, to respect each other and be friendly and supportive for the most part. I feel optimistic we can do so. I feel hopeful that we'll survive. Thank you, Emily ... for your wisdom, maturity and patience through it all.
So ... back to The Triumph Times. 2011 was a hard year for me, I'm the first to admit. The divorce, in many respects, was just the tip of an iceberg much larger and more challenging in many ways. Work ... finances ... legal headaches ... the list goes on. There were good things happening as well, though: I mean, who hasn't loved following Jimmer Fredette of BYU and Sacramento, and the Denver icon, of course, Mr. Tim Tebow?! Lots of other Triumphant stories have followed: movies like Disney's,
A Dolphin Tale, and the phenomenal Christian film,
Courageous.
The Iron Lady was good (Meryl Streep's amazing),
We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon was inspiring and fun. I absolutely loved Malcolm Gladwell's latest book,
The Outliers. The list goes on and on and on. As for the political campaign? Well, that's been entertaining (don't know about triumphant; we shall see how it all ends up). But the stories, the quotes, and inspirational news accounts keep pouring in. (I might have not been writing the last couple of months, but I've been accumulating a lot, and I have a long list of new subjects all ready to go). I'm really looking forward to writing more consistently again.
I'm probably not done getting "stretched" or "molded" as I have been. I'm sure there are still more hard things to deal with (it's pretty inevitable; after all, it's LIFE). Who really knows what the Lord has in store for me in 2012? I just want you to know that I personally won't ever give up. I personally have every intention of just pressing forward and being "Triumphant" over it all. Despite the heartache, I feel grateful. Despite the hard times, I feel truly blessed. Despite our break-up, the kids are happy ... Em and I are doing well enough ... I'm dating a good woman again, one I first fell in love with many years ago. Things are looking up. What else can you do but keep your chin up and your shoulder to the wheel, right? When times get you down, you just have to keep trying. I don't really know what else to do but I really don't think I even know how to give up.
I'm rambling now. Thank you for reading, despite the meandering. I am going to try to write a little more consistently from here on out. The kids have had lots of daddy time, which I think they really needed. We've had fun, connected, enjoyed Christmas and the New Year and now were back to school, work and traveling (me, as a trainer and speaker) again. Vacation is over for the next little while. I'm looking forward to what 2012 is going to bring.
I appreciate your readership. Talk again soon.
Patrick "River" Laing
September 11, 2001: it's a day none of us of this generation will forget anytime soon ... our own Pearl Harbor, and right in our front yard--New York City. I can still remember sitting on the couch that morning, watching the news, barely breathing, practically motionless as I listened to the reports, shocked that it was actually happening here in the U.S. of A.
You might disagree. You might find it a little slow and even contrived at times; it's both of these in ways. But, I also found it insightful and triumphant. I hope you'll go see it and see for yourself. Please post a comment if you do and let me know what you thought of it. It's "extremely poignant," if nothing else.
