The Epitome of Triumph: My Hero

You know, there a lot of different kinds of Triumph in the world. Successes in business, kids doing well in school, disabilities being overcome and challenges being challenged. We see examples every day: inspiring stories / people / programs and marriages that--despite the odds--keep surviving and even beating the odds. The list goes on and we've touched on many of these in The Triumph Times. We all have experienced, observed and likely participated in our own share.

What I've learned in my own life, especially this past few years, is that few Triumphs are cut-and-dried, black and white, simple or "cookie-cutter clean." Most are steeped in trial and pain, frustration and disappointment, struggles, set-backs and a large dose of growing and learning. That has certainly been the case for me. This past year has been one of the toughest and also one of the best in my 43 years. It's been a year of highest-highs and lowest-lows. It's been a period of heart-ache, heart-burn and many different happinesses blended into one. It's been a year of Triumph--a year of growth and reflection, adjustment and adaptation. In many respects, it's been a year of "reconnection" and, at the very least, a year I'll not soon be forgetting.

Speaking of reunions, I wanted to announce (if you haven't heard already) that I got remarried on March 17th of this year (2012)--Saint Patrick's Day! To make a long story short, my best friend from a decade ago, my former fiancé that "didn't work out" the first time around, came back into the picture and she and I reconnected late last fall and over the holidays (2012). We reignited the spark that first saw light many years ago. We "re-began" a journey we both have missed, even in silence, for a long time now.


Her name is Tessha, formerly Tessha THOMAS, and she'll tell you that ten years ago she thought we were just "postponing" our engagement--"putting it on hold," as it were, while she finished her last semester of college. I thought we were breaking up (I'm a little bit slow sometimes....). It was a pretty big breakdown in communication, to say the least. But, as a result, I went on to marry Emily, my former wife and the mother of my children, and stayed married for 9 years. I became a dad to five great kids, for which I'll always be grateful. When Emily and I divorced, Tessha and I reconnected. And now? We're married ... and we even got married on St. Patrick's Day (imagine that). :0) I guess what I'm saying is, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I never imagined us back together again--but here we are and we're very happy to be here. We're grateful to have finally "figured it out," even a little later than we originally planned.

As the old saying goes, "Better Late Than Never." It's very true in our case. All I know is, from the moment she came back into my life, it's felt like old times all over again, like we never went our separate ways. We've picked up where we left off; at least, it's certainly felt that way. And now, we're working out the kinks and curls that make up a new marriage, we're working on parenthood and step-parenthood, fatherhood and "bonus-mom-hood" to five teens and preteens ... and dealing with the complexities of making it all work. It's been an adventure thus far and it's just getting started. What can I say, it's a story of Triumph ... and Tessha is my Hero.

She is triumphing over 10 years of loneliness, confusion, and in many ways, regret. She's forgiving and forgetting and moving forward, in faith. She's getting to know my children and doing an amazing job serving them, figuring them out and trying to love them each in their own way for who they each are. She's Triumphing over the challenge of it all, and the complexities inherent therein. She triumphs, in my mind, every time she seeks to serve, work well with and get to know my ex wife. Their dynamics and relationship, like any blended family, are a work in progress and can be challenging at times. But, I'm impressed with both of them and especially Tessh and how she / they are learning to work together, compromise and communicate well.

Tessha's really great. She is the most loving, most selfless, kind and patient person I've known--and not just with me and the kids, but with everyone she meets. Every time I turn around, it seems, she's serving someone, thinking of them, helping others to Triumph over what they're going through. Whether it's a friend of ours with heart problems or another who just lost her husband; whether it's her dad and his health or her mom and her burdens ... or total strangers who just need a friend, a guide, a comforting word or a morsel of bread ... Tessha just serves them and reminds me of what true Triumph means--"Triumphing" over selfishness, pettiness--basically, anything that gets in the way of true, unconditional service. She's a great example to me, not only of Triumph, but also of Truth. She's as authentic, as genuine and as honest, as they get.

Okay ... so, I'm probably sounding too sappy, too personal, so I'll stop. I just wanted you to meet her. The eldest of 10 children ... my best friend ... a great "bonus mom" to my kids: she is the primary reason these last 12 months have had their share of "ups" along with the "downs." I really think she saved me this past year, in many respects. I just wanted her to know how much it's meant and how much she and all of it continues to mean.





Tessha ... I love you. I appreciate you very much. This tribute is for you, baby. I can't imagine going through the next ten years, not to mention the forty after them, without you by my side. I look forward to TRIUMPHING over whatever life throws at us, and doing so together. Thanks for believing in me.


Here's to you, Tessherina.

Here's to Triumph.

Patrick-Riv

The Man, the Myth, the Legend--the Father of a Nation

This last week marked the "end" of an incomparable legacy of service, strength and character. My grandfather, Charles William ("Bill") Laing, of whom I've written previously, finally "graduated" peacefully and passed away August 9th, 2012. We celebrated his life at a beautiful service last Monday that was both touching and inspiring. It was a perfect reminder of a man who spent his whole life quietly triumphant--my biggest hero and idol (next to my dad, of course, Grandpa's eldest son, which makes sense if you think about it; they're cut from the same cloth, as anyone who knows them will attest). 

I won't make this too long but I did want to quickly reference a thought one of my uncles shared during his tribute to Grandpa at the funeral. He spoke of George Washington, the first U.S. president, and compared him to my grand dad, speaking of Grandpa as the "father of our 'nation,'" our "Laing Family Nation." He went on to  mention several ways in which George Washington was  key to the success of this country. We refer to GW as the Father of our Nation, with good reason. My grandpa, Charles William, embodies the same characteristics. Here are 3 examples of many, 3 ways in which made an impact and so deservedly enjoy this title of respect. 

1.  Example: George Washington led by example. He didn't just talk about standing up to the British. He didn't just stand on a soap box and preach against taxation without representation. He led, suffered, and overcame together with his troops. His was "faith in action," not just rhetoric or indignation. He was a great leader but perhaps the best thing he did, as most Umphers do, was lead by example. He "Did," he didn't just "Talk." As commander in chief of the Continental Army, he wasn't afraid to get into the trenches and get dirty when he had to. The nation showed him their thanks by electing him unanimously as our first U.S. President in 1788 and naming our Capitol and the State of Washington after him; he served for two consecutive terms. 

2.  The second way George Washington made such an impact, in my opinion, as did my grandpa, was with their faith. We've all heard stories of GW praying with his troops, of humbly petitioning help, and of him turning to the Lord for guidance in the face of their almost insurmountable odds. One of my favorite GW prints hangs in our home--the picture above--of him praying in Valley Forge by his horse. I just love the imagery, and the message. George Washington reminded us that we are watched over by and dependent upon, as he saw it, a Father above--one who had a literal hand in the establishment of this nation, where freedom of religion, speech and so many others could finally exist.

As one of our nation's founding fathers he helped draft the Declaration of Independence, and set up a nation FOUNDED upon the lasting principles espoused therein. True, we've strayed from them in ways, today. But, GW and his compatriots gave us the roadmap, the "blue print," for success. George Washington knew that faith in God and adherence to his principles was and needed to be at the very heart of our nation's success. My Grandfather Bill taught his family the same things--and his six boys and one daughter have passed those principles along to me and all the cousins, grand children, great grand kids and (just recently) one great-GREAT grand daughter baby girl. We continue to benefit from his example. 

3.  The third way I feel George Washington--and my grandfather, as well--led so valiantly throughout both of their lives, was by speaking up, by bearing witness when they could and by sharing their convictions whenever the opportunity to do so presented itself. President Washington obviously did this--he spoke out against tyranny, he helped draft the Declaration, he stood up for what he knew to be good and true and right. He never backed down, and he inspired a nation in the process. That, more than anything, I believe, is the mark of an Triumphant leader. Not only do you lead by example, not only do you do the right thing--but you inspire OTHERS to do the same, to FOLLOW your example, and to "take up arms" with you if they must. A truly Triumphant leader is just that--a LEADER, a mentor, someone who inspires you to follow ... a leader who through his or her examples inspires you to live your life the same way.


My Grandpa Bill did this same thing throughout his life. And he did so very quietly. He didn't need a bull-horn or a soap box. He spoke and people listened; even in a whisper, even in his last few hours, after cancer had ravaged his body. It's hard to explain, but you couldn't help but want to stop and pay attention to him, whenever he spoke. Now, I obviously never knew George Washington the way I knew my Grandpa Bill, but I can imagine that he was much the same, a man who caught your attention whenever he spoke or even walked into a room. He didn't demand your respect; people just gave it to him, freely. You knew you could trust him, that he had your best interest at heart; you knew he could teach you and mold you into a better man or woman, or country. And he did exactly that.

Obviously, I'm guessing here. I didn't know GW though I've studied his life and have continually been impressed by the example and the legacy that he left. And, it is a legacy that continues to shine forth as a beacon of hope to the world to this day. My grandpa's legacy, though not nearly as vast or well-known, shines brightly as well, with a family of well adjusted, contributing, and decent descendants dotting the globe. We too have been touched by him and we too are overcoming ... his legacy lives on, and I will be ever grateful to be a part of it all.

Thank you, Grandpa. We'll never forget you. We ARE you, and we're truly grateful every day.

As mentioned before, my grandpa was told he had just a few short months to live almost 2 1/2  years ago. He never gave up easily; he went down fighting and, just as always, he inspired us all as he did. His was a legacy of which all of us are ever proud. He was a true Umpher, a triumphant father, grandfather, neighbor, bishop and friend. I'll always be grateful for his example, his faith and his conviction.

Thank you for listening and my apologies for how long it's been since I last wrote. A divorce last year, a new marriage this year, a new position at work, two funerals and five busy kids. As I'm sure you understand, time gets away from you.

I'll try to do better.

Triumphantly,

JP River

"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"

September 11, 2001: it's a day none of us of this generation will forget anytime soon ... our own Pearl Harbor, and right in our front yard--New York City. I can still remember sitting on the couch that morning, watching the news, barely breathing, practically motionless as I listened to the reports, shocked that it was actually happening here in the U.S. of A.

I was in Anchorage, Alaska that day ... a whole continent away. The whole day left me speechless, reeling and (like most of us) very much in shock. Even with all I felt and experienced, I can hardly imagine what it must have felt like to be a resident of New York that day. Our hearts--those of the whole nation--went out to our brothers and sisters there, and still do. I still marvel and wonder, considering the burdens I'm sure they carry, and probably will for a very long time to come.


Tonight I'm in Atlanta, traveling as usual, for my job as a national sales trainer. I decided to catch a movie after my work day last night and I went and saw the recent Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock film, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close." While it isn't a film about 9/11, per se, it does tell the story of a young boy who loses his father (Tom Hanks) in the collapse of one of the Twin Towers. He goes on a journey of self-discovery as he searches all over New York City trying to find the lock for a key his late father left behind. It is a touching and thought provoking journey, and also--I thought--a remarkable acting job for a young, new actor ... the 2010 Jeopardy! Kids Week winner, Thomas Horn.

Besides the fact that the film had some wonderful shots of New York City, not to mention some powerful acting by all involved (Max Von Sydow, for example, was amazing as the boy, Oskar's, neighbor), what struck me the most was the way the movie evolved and addressed the mourning so many New Yorkers have had to deal with and are probably still struggling with in ways today. It did bring Oskar closure in the end, I felt, but it also had a far deeper, farther-reaching and more universal effect. It reached out and touched everyone, including the audience. It certainly touched me in the process.

Triumph is so often an difficult and cathartic experience, whether it's the positive kind (like achieving a success) or the more trying kind (working through a tragedy like this). My own opinion is that both kinds of triumph are positive because both bring about change and growth; both initiate coming to know ourselves better. I think that's why most of us love coming of age films, underdog movies and dramas or tragedies that end up inspirational in the end. "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" was all three of these for me. It made me appreciate more all that New York and its citizens have gone through, on a much deeper level. It also made me look at grief and the grief process differently as well, I think. It helped me understand Triumph on a whole different level as well. I think the film made me more sensitive in ways. What can I say but that I'm very grateful I saw it.

You might disagree. You might find it a little slow and even contrived at times; it's both of these in ways. But, I also found it insightful and triumphant. I hope you'll go see it and see for yourself. Please post a comment if you do and let me know what you thought of it. It's "extremely poignant," if nothing else.

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_quK9SEGYE

Enjoy and here's to LIVING LIFE, the good days and the bad days, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close!"

Tennyson, Travel, Tessha and Triumph

I'm going to make this post short because I'm running out the door to go teach a training class to a bunch of Jacuzzi walk-in bathtub reps here Dallas, Texas. In the last 3 weeks I've been in Denver, Austin, Chicago, Dallas, Little Rock and of course home in Portland, Oregon to see my kids between each trip. In the next 3 weeks I'll be in Portland, Seattle WA, Indianapolis, Atlanta, DC and ... who knows where else? Needless to say, I'm racking up the air miles. And, you know? I'm enjoying the solitude, the time to myself, to write, the seeing new places and meeting new people. I'm enjoying the TRAVEL, though I do miss my kids and miss seeing my girlfriend. It does wear me out every few days or so. 

Skyping with my kids

Like I said in my last post, Emily (my "former wife") and I are getting along pretty well ... the children are doing great ... my job is going well and I'm dating [once again] my sweetheart from over a decade ago. That couldn't be going better (my 5 year old said to her the other day he wants her to "be ours step mom someday."  [sic] She liked the thought.... :0) The kids really seem to like her a lot. We'll see where it goes.... By the way, her name is Tessha.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

As I mentioned, I need to hurry, but let me share with you three quotes I just love that I feel are appropo' to everything going on right now in my life. I hope they are for you as well. Have a great day and "here's to Triumph in all we do."

Jack London

Personally? I know you'll do just fine ... whatever you, yourself, are going through. We're not quitters, right? And tomorrow, a new day, is just a night away.


"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier.'" Alfred Lord Tennyson


"Don't loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club." Jack London.

What a great reminder. And finally....

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." Albert Camus.

Albert Camus

I love all three of these Triumph quotes. Have hope ... don't be afraid ... and realize just what you are capable of and just what "lies within you." You can do it. I just know it. The stuff of Triumph.... it's what we're ALL made of. It lies within us ALL. We each have divine potential within. 

Trust me. It is absolutely true.

Until next time ... Patrick-Riv

Back On the Big, Bad, Beautiful Blog

So ... if you've been wondering what became of me, I decided to take a break. I focused on the holidays, my children, licking a few wounds and launching the New Year together with my kids these last few weeks. It's been almost two months since I last posted on this Triumph blog, I am embarassed to admit, and I've gotta tell you: I've missed keeping it up and I have missed hearing your feedback and encouragement a lot.

Today is February 1st! It's my birthday month and I think it's going to be a big month and big year (for me and for each and every one of us, I hope). I'd be lying if I didn't say, I really am happy 2011 is done and over (it was the year from hell for me). I'd also be lying, though, if I didn't say, "I'm excited and looking forward to seeing what 2012 will bring."

As you know, if you've followed along, this blog's all about "beating the odds, overcoming challenges, and TRIUMPHING over whatever life may dish out." We've read of heros and heroines, athletes and artists. I've shared with you news stories, favorite quotes and even a few book and movie reviews along the way. Interwoven through them all has been that same, inspiring message: "We're not going to quit. Whatever you throw at us, we're going to catch it, maybe take a bite out of it, then we're going to throw it right back in your face."


I won't go into too much detail but suffice it to say that 2011 was tough ... if, for no other reason, than because my marriage came to a quick though not entirely unexpected end. After 9 years of marriage Emily and I divorced. It's a sad-but-good story in many ways. We separated in May and divorced in September 2011. I'm afraid, in this case, I can't write of "triumphing" over our challenges and working things out in the end. But I'll tell you what I can say ... we are succeeding in other ways. If nothing else, we're overcoming--both of us--the temptation to fight in front of the kids, to argue really at all, to, really, do anything to try to make life more difficult for the other than it already is or has to be. We're resisting the tendency so many divorced couples have of treating each other poorly, stabbing each other in the back, or throwing each other under the bus ... making the next however-many-years we're joined at the hip harder than they really have to be. We are instead focusing on co-parenting our 5 great kids ... and we're doing a really good job of it, a respectable job of it, if I don't say so myself. That is a Triumph in and of itself.

It helps a lot that Emily is an amazing Mom and is putting the children first in every way she can. I love them with all my heart ... and I know she feels the exact same way. Coming from a split marriage as a teen herself, Emily saw the impact, the hurt and the lingering effects that can come from long, vindictive divorces ... and she promised she would never put us or the children through that. She's keeping her promise for which I'm truly grateful. As I stated, we're doing things differently ... we're defining our new "relationship," co-parenting and supporting our kids, and, well ... we're making this up one day at a time but I really think we're doing okay. To her credit, when I'm in town, she lets me see the kids as often as I can. She tries to include me in their lives. She could be making this so much harder, so much more hurtful, but she has never come close. And the kids are thriving. They're "triumphing" in their own ways, or at least they seem to be. I know it's hard. I know it's been confusing and perplexing at times, especially for the younger ones. But ... they have each other, they have us, and they seem to be smiling most of the time. If I do say so myself, they all like coming to my house because I have X-Box Kinnect, tennis and a pool too. :0) You can see from the pictures that they still have a light in their eyes. As far as divorce goes, I think we're thriving through it and we're going to come out alright. I think they'll be okay, maybe even stronger in the end. I'd never encourage it. I'd never recommend divorce. But sometimes it turns out alright. I'm optimistic it can be for us. I really am proud of how Emily and I are dealing with it all. It's the only way I could imagine it working.

We may have failed as a married couple but I feel we are succeeding in our new roles. We're both trying...! [If you read this, Emily, just know how much I appreciate it. I'm sorry we weren't better together and couldn't make it work. But, I'm grateful for your understanding, your patience, and I'm grateful for the new opportunities ahead for us both. I'm grateful for our children ... and thankful to you for making me a daddy x 5. I always will be. Thank you again, my friend.

Today? We're working on new and better lives for us all. We're both dating. We're both working on school / work and trying to make a better future for ourselves and the kids. We're both trying to progress. Most of all, we're trying to work together well, to respect each other and be friendly and supportive for the most part. I feel optimistic we can do so. I feel hopeful that we'll survive. Thank you, Emily ... for your wisdom, maturity and patience through it all.

So ... back to The Triumph Times. 2011 was a hard year for me, I'm the first to admit. The divorce, in many respects, was just the tip of an iceberg much larger and more challenging in many ways. Work ... finances ... legal headaches ... the list goes on. There were good things happening as well, though: I mean, who hasn't loved following Jimmer Fredette of BYU and Sacramento, and the Denver icon, of course, Mr. Tim Tebow?! Lots of other Triumphant stories have followed: movies like Disney's, A Dolphin Tale, and the phenomenal Christian film, Courageous. The Iron Lady was good (Meryl Streep's amazing), We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon was inspiring and fun. I absolutely loved Malcolm Gladwell's latest book, The Outliers. The list goes on and on and on. As for the political campaign? Well, that's been entertaining (don't know about triumphant; we shall see how it all ends up). But the stories, the quotes, and inspirational news accounts keep pouring in. (I might have not been writing the last couple of months, but I've been accumulating a lot, and I have a long list of new subjects all ready to go). I'm really looking forward to writing more consistently again.

I'm probably not done getting "stretched" or "molded" as I have been. I'm sure there are still more hard things to deal with (it's pretty inevitable; after all, it's LIFE). Who really knows what the Lord has in store for me in 2012? I just want you to know that I personally won't ever give up. I personally have every intention of just pressing forward and being "Triumphant" over it all. Despite the heartache, I feel grateful. Despite the hard times, I feel truly blessed. Despite our break-up, the kids are happy ... Em and I are doing well enough ... I'm dating a good woman again, one I first fell in love with many years ago. Things are looking up. What else can you do but keep your chin up and your shoulder to the wheel, right? When times get you down, you just have to keep trying. I don't really know what else to do but I really don't think I even know how to give up.

I'm rambling now. Thank you for reading, despite the meandering. I am going to try to write a little more consistently from here on out. The kids have had lots of daddy time, which I think they really needed. We've had fun, connected, enjoyed Christmas and the New Year and now were back to school, work and traveling (me, as a trainer and speaker) again. Vacation is over for the next little while. I'm looking forward to what 2012 is going to bring.

I appreciate your readership. Talk again soon.

Patrick "River" Laing